When you create communication content, it’s inevitable to share observations of your own children. It surely is for me with my three kids! As when I use myself as an example, it’s easy, because I know these people well. Their perceptions, birth order and gender traits, and more have become examples and stories in my radio shows, newspaper columns, and college communication classes I teach.
Of course, I’m very proud of them. Each now is in his or her twenties. As the only girl in her generation on my side of the family and her grandma’s namesake, my daughter, Laura, and my mother were very close. Laura certainly possesses traits typical of the oldest child, which she is.
That’s not to say that Brent, 23 months younger, doesn’t have many of those qualities, but he is not the oldest, something with which he had to come to terms. This leads me to share the first of what I call my “Car Seat Trilogy” from their youngest years.
One day, I was driving along with Laura and Brent sitting in their car seats behind me, as Brent was sharing his plans. He said, “That will be next year, when I am older than Laura.” I should’ve let that slide, but instead I said, Brent, I hate to break this to you, but you’re never going to be older than Laura… He broke into tears, which didn’t stop until I assured him he always would be older than Evan... In fact, 3 ½ years older.
When I was a kid, I thought sibling rivalry was similar to simmering soup or chili… I was more right than I ever knew! Still, Laura and Brent are extremely good friends, because they are so close in age and have so many shared experiences.
Another time, these two were in their car seats and I noticed that Brent really had handled himself well all day, not that Laura hadn’t. Foolishly, I said, Brent, you’ve really behaved well today. If I had a gold star, I’d give it to you! After about 15 seconds of silence, Laura, with hurt feelings dripping off every word and a small cry in her voice said, “Daddy, you didn’t say there would be gold stars!” … If gold stars were being handed out, this ambitious, competitive, little lady wanted her fair share! If she’d only known…
The last of my Car Seat Trilogy involves only Brent. We early on had told the kids the two main reasons they had to buckle into the car seats were their safety and the fact that using a car seat for their age group was the law. One day, Brent and I drove up to the intersection of Interstate-24 and U.S. Highway 45. As we waited in the car at a stop sign, three police cars raced by with their lights flashing and sirens wailing. I said, I don’t know what’s happening, Brent, but somebody must be in trouble. He replied, “Yeah, it’s probably some kid not in his car seat.” … Why wouldn’t he think that? From his perspective, that was the most logical explanation!
All of that was more than 20 years ago. The older two now work in communication. Laura (now) Oswald majored in marketing and minored in public relations at Murray State University. She serves as marketing director of the Paducah Visitors Bureau. Brent majored in organizational communication at MSU and now is a recruiter there. Evan majored in mechanical engineering at the University of Illinois, completed an internship with John Deere in Augusta, Ga., and now works for Nissan in Tennessee.
They still often inspire my ideas for communication content. The latest probably speaks more to gender differences. My sister, their Aunt Laurel, recently texted each of them about a party she was planning.
Evan’s response was four words: “Alright, love you, too.”
Brent texted back seven words: “I just put it in my calendar.”
Together, the two brothers, combined, totaled 11 words, merely one-third of their empathic sister’s response of 33 words: “Hi! Oh my, how fun that will be! I can’t wait to celebrate with you! Let me think on the best band. Please let me know what else I can do to help!”
What opportunities they provide: textbook examples in the flesh! Plus, you can bet when my book comes out, you’ll find them right there in black and white!
Question of the Week
How do children’s perceptions make you smile and/or adjust your communication with them?