Perception is reality… or, then again, is it?
Legendary media philosopher Marshall McLuhan once said, “We don’t know who discovered water, but it wasn’t a fish.”
That sounds right… But, why? The short answer is perception or a lack thereof, on the part of the fish! The two best dictionary definitions of perception might be “becoming aware of something through the senses” and “a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something.”
Either way, when it comes to water, a fish is in the dark. (I’m mixing metaphors, but at least I didn’t say “a fish is all wet.”) … Stupid fish, right? Well, when was the last time you thought about air? Like a fish in water, we humans take air for granted even though its absence can kill us! We assume air will be there until, for some reason, a limited supply can make us think of nothing else!
Perception is like a mental skin. Just as any physical sensation passes through our epidermis (No, it’s not a dirty word; look it up!), communication must filter through each individual’s frame-of-reference. No two are the same. Instead, perception is an active process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information.
Many people see their own perceptions as reality, even though most other people have their doubts. (Facebook confirms that statement on an almost hourly basis.) One mark of an educated person is the critical thinking skill to separate subjective perception from objective reality, or at least to realize that a difference might exist. For example, I know my fear of heights is subjective and irrational. … Oh, I’m not giving it up! But, I also know not everybody shares that fear. Awareness of differences in perceptions can increase not only understanding, but also empathy!
The greatest problem in communication probably is the assumption of it! (I assume you agree, but you already knew that!) We can reduce assumptions by distinguishing between objective facts and subjective inferences. (See fear of heights reference above, pardon the expression!) In communication… Simplicity improves clarity. Specificity improves accuracy. Sincerity improves trust. As Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter, and the March Hare discussed at tea one day, it’s best both “to say what you mean and to mean what you say.”
Even so, how you say something often is more important than what you say! That’s why in cross-cultural communication, as one example, neither sarcasm nor subtlety travels very well!
Dale Carnegie became both rich and famous 100-plus years ago by teaching a combination of public speaking, interpersonal communication, and the self-confidence resulting from developing those skills. He increased the popularity of his message during the 1930s Great Depression when he wrote the first-ever self-help book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The international training company he founded and his book continue to be best sellers well into the new millennium, even though Carnegie himself died in 1955! Among his many memorable, accurate, and valuable lessons: We have only four contacts with the world by which people evaluate and classify us: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.
Often, there is more than one valid perception of reality. As illustrated by John Godfrey Saxe’s poem, The Blind Men and the Elephant. The first of six men touched the animal’s side, wide and tall, and said this beast is like a wall. The second, feeling the tusk with some fear, cried an elephant is like a spear! The third took the trunk, feeling it squirm, just like a snake or an enormous worm. The fourth felt the knee and said it’s like a tree. The fifth touched the ear, and said, oh dear, it’s like a fan! The sixth took the tail with a grope and said a pachyderm is like a rope. The six “disputed loud and long… though each was partly in the right, and all were in the wrong!”
Finally, gradual change often progresses unnoticed. If you plop a frog into boiling water, it immediately leaps out of the pot! (Wouldn’t you?) Instead, put it in lukewarm water, raising the temperature gradually, the frog will allow itself to become boiled. (No, not from too much bourbon, but rather boiled literally in water!) Simple moral: don’t become a boiled frog! Separate subjective perception from objective reality! Remember, as writer Anais Nin said, “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”
Question of the Week
How do misperceptions, differing perceptions, and communicating about perceptions affect your work, romantic relationship, family, and/or friendships?